


Paradise in your eyes

by Ruiskukka



Category: CountryHumans, Countryballs, Geography (Anthropomorphic)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24874531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruiskukka/pseuds/Ruiskukka
Summary: I thought your shining heavenly eyes were the Paradise I wanted to go to, but they turned out to be a deep lake where I lost my life by drowning in it.
Relationships: USSR/Finland
Kudos: 3





	Paradise in your eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Рай в твоих глазах](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/636883) by Ruiskukka. 



_I thought your shining heavenly eyes were the Paradise I wanted to go to, but they turned out to be a deep lake where I lost my life by drowning in it._

Again and again I find myself at the door to your house and again I stand unable to call or knock, to be again in your arms and drown in your caresses. I cannot understand why I am so constantly drawn to you and your eyes by the color of the sky, the color of Paradise itself. But behind this illusion of Paradise, there is a deep blue lake that is so eager to pull you into the depths and leave you there forever, without hope of salvation. And I have already fallen into this trap, I have long ago drowned in your lake, losing my life.

~~_He is doomed._ ~~

It will sound strange, but it is true. I can't feel alive while you're not around. Until I'm drowning in your arms or feel your cold touch or frosty breath on my skin. Every time I am away from you, I feel like a shell of something larger and more alive, when before you it was filled and lived, and now it exists with only thoughts of you. And only you can make her feel alive again. Only you can make me feel alive again. But every time I almost crawl to your door and beg for a drop of your body, I stop frozen in front of your door, probably waiting for a miracle. Maybe I'm waiting until you open the door for me, feeling that I've come to you and I'm ready to give myself up. But this never happens. ~~It will never happen.~~

~~_He feels fear again._ ~~

When I'm almost in your arms, I start to get scared. A fear that can be compared to the fear of death. Or maybe it is. Although I am dead when I am away from you, and when you are near I live, so it is unlikely that the fear of death is appropriate here. After all, this is a different fear, but very strong, comparable in strength to death. Fear of dependence on you. After all, dependence on a person is much worse than dependence on nicotine, alcohol or the same drugs. After all, in any case, you can get what you need. But not a person. You can't control a person in any way. He may refuse you. But you may be strong enough to subdue it. But will it be what you really want? I tried to subdue you, but the result was the opposite effect. I obeyed by you. And now I can't live without you.

~~_He himself extinguished the spark in it and now suffers._ ~~

Your man may be on the other side of the world. Or worse. After all, even after his death, the addiction will not let you go and will strangle your throat, as a boa constrictor strangles its victim before eating it. It will kill slowly and make you suffer in the agony. It can make you go to another hemisphere of the planet in a ~~meaningless~~ search for the right one. It can also make you do something that will ruin your life forever. But not existence. After all, your life went with that person, but not the shell. Although some may follow this person, saying goodbye to existence and attempts at rehabilitation from addiction. Although it is not known how much time should pass for rehabilitation. Waiting always kills.

~~_He can't be helped._ ~~

I try to calm everything inside with memories of you, so that for a single moment this pain will be drowned out. But the fear never goes away when I think of you. It seems to haunt everything that binds us. I try not to give in to it, but it is always stronger than me and I forcibly try not to think and not to come to you. However, I always lose to both sides. I'm always afraid, but I can't live without thinking about you. I want to scream, but my scream is not heard, as if I have lost my voice, but it is not heard, because it is not me who is screaming, but my soul. No one can hear the cry of your soul except you. But I can't figure out why she's screaming.

~~_The scream can't be silenced._ ~~

But the fear still envelops me, making it impossible to feel alive again. And once again, I leave with nothing, making myself feel inferior. Inanimate. But I don't know how to stop it. I'm too deep in your lake. I was too deep in places I shouldn't have been. And I don't know how to get out of there, or who can save me from you by pulling my soul out of the water. Only one option appears in my compulsive thoughts about you, who can do this, although even that I have doubts.

_After all, it looks like I can't be saved._

_I have drowned and my soul will always remain at the bottom of your lake._

_A lake that I thought was Paradise._

**_Paradise in your blue eyes._ **


End file.
